I work at Forbes Elementary in American Fork in the Special Education Department, mostly with children who have Autism. The other day I was in one of the classrooms and the teacher was opening her class with the calendar and schedule like most teachers do. She asked the students if they knew what Valentine's Day was and why we celebrate it. One of the students, a young man about eleven years old, raised his hand and said something to this effect...
"Once upon a time there was a man named Saint Valentine and he tried to get all the boys to marry the girls and then the government HUNG him because marriage is DUMB and girls are STUPID."
Yeah. He nailed that one RIGHT on the head. I couldn't help but laugh. #outofthemouthsofbabes
Before I write this post I need to clarify a couple of things...
1. This is not an attack on members of the opposite sex. I think boys are awesome. I am not saying that the reason why so many adorable young girls I know in their 20s are not married is because the boys need to step it up. President Monson said that. I would never say that though ; ) I know we are both equally at fault. I am only about to recount to you first hand (mostly) stories from actual events - REAL dates gone horribly wrong. Please keep in mind that I am girl, and I only know the girl side of the story. I am sure that every boy at BYU could write a post equally as long and hilarious post about bad dates THEY have been on. As a female I will be telling these stories from the female perspective, because that is how they happened and it just makes the most sense. Girls are stupid and socially awkward too. We already established this fact. Please just DONT be upset if this post seems like a rant or the minutes of a She Woman Man Haters Club
2. Some of these dates happened to me, some of them happened to other people...family members, friends, roommates, ect. I will not say who they happened to and which ones are my personal stories. I don't want to offend people or embarrass anyone. I will write these date stories as if they all happened to me, but to give credit where it should be given without singling anyone out without their permission, know that they did not. Also: Small details have been changed for the sake of entertainment purposes. Believe what you wish to believe.
Warm Up Story: Once I went on a date with a man who called me Katherine the entire time, even after I corrected him. He also kept referring to my home as "DC," as in Washington DC, even I corrected him. His roommates were on this date, and several other girls in the ward. Needless to say, I was known as Katherine in that ward (from Washington DC) for weeks. From that moment on at ward functions I have always introduced myself as Kate. It is short, sweet, and to the point. No confusion. OBVIOUSLY this one was me.
Story Number One: My roommates and I decided to sign up for a Stake Date. The idea was that the stake activities committee would set you up with someone, contact that person and give them your information, and have them ask you to the stake activity. It was like one giant blind date for the whole stake. The date activity was going to be a picnic.
The night before the activity each of my roommates had been contacted by their respective dates. I had not heard from mine, which I was completely A-OK with. At exactly 11:17 that night the doorbell rang. I answered it. I was in my pajamas. The man at the door asked for Katelyn. He told me that he was "suppose to ask me to the Stake Date and did I want to go with him, or what?" I should have said "What." I told him I wanted to go.
Ten minutes before our dates were set to arrive and fetch us, one of my friends from class showed up to borrow a book from me. When my date came to the door, it was obvious that they were smitten with each other and he invited her to come with us. On our date. I now know how the girls from the Bachelor feel. 2 on 1 dates are no bueno.
When we got to the park he informed BOTH of us that he did not realized this activity was a picnic and did not bring anything to eat. He spent the entire time flirting with this other girl and I did not even get a free meal from the experience, which is sometimes, lets be honest, the best part of the date.
Story number 2: I was really excited to go to my senior winter formal, but a couple of weeks before the dance the person that asked me to go with him started dating another girl. I talked to him about it and I told him if he wanted to take his new Girlfriend, he could. He told me that he wanted to take me. I thought that was very gentlemanly of him, staying true to his word and all. We danced the first dance and he spent the rest of the time with his girlfriend. When I was ready to go I could not even find him. My friend and her date took me home. It was HER date that walked me to the door in my beautiful dress. GOOD TIMES.
Story Number 3: Once I was waiting for my date to come and take me to an art gallery. Twenty minutes late, he finally texted me saying he was outside. TEXTED me. I went outside and walked around for a good five minutes trying to find him. He took too me to the SMITHS parking lot. We were meant to hike all the way up the freakin' mountain because he didn't want to pay for parking...FROM THE PARKING LOT OF SMITH'S ON 500 AND FREEDOM! I had on good shoes. After the date we were about a block from my apartment when he stopped the car, parked it, held out a fist and said, "Well...It's been real. Pound It." I asked if he was going to walk me to my door and give me a proper hug like a gent should, but apparently he did not want to get booted or have his car taken away. Yikes A Be!
Story number 4: I went to a Real Salt Lake game on a date once. The entire way to Sandy my date had a baseball game blasting on the radio. He did not say two words to me, even though I tried to make polite conversation and was actually frustrated that I was trying to communication with him. During the Soccer game he was yelling and screaming and cursing the whole time and he actually told me to "SHHHHHHH" once. When I asked if I could have a Coke, he told me that he didn't have any cash, but that I could go get one if I wanted. Yeeeeep. #thatjusthappened
Story Number 5 (THE FINAL ONE): Once, shortly after my mission, I went on a date to see 9 to 5 at the Hale Center Theater. About a hour before I was going to be picked up my date called me and asked me if I could drive because he had a headache. I drove us to Salt Lake City. I was really excited to see 9 to 5 because I LOVE DOLLY. When we got there my date realized that he did not have the tickets...because he had a headache. I bought us tickets. We could have gone back home, but we drove all that way and I wanted to see the show. He complained about the noise and was actually upset with me for wanting to stay.
I have see it all, ladies and gents, from my date begging two random girls hanging out outside his apartment to take me home for him because he didn't have a car, to riding home from Youth Conference with my date and my young woman leader to get ready for prom (HAHAHA! Remember that, Michael?) Gotta love the dating game.
I guess my point is that IF YOU DO have a Valentine this year you should really feel lucky because great love is hard to come by. Hold them close. It is not too late to plan sometime nice. If you don't have a Valentine... I am available most evenings and prefer milk chocolate, gerber daisies, and have really been eyeing a pair of square diamond stud earrings are Macey's.
